A monologue
I suppose that this is what happens when you meet your opposite human … you see things .. and think “wow” wish I could be more like that .. or I’d never say that … and before you know it you start to get intrigued. And you find that to your surprise really it cuts both ways….. you actually get along…
You do know though …that we are all icebergs… I don’t mean cold and forbidding obviously… I don’t think that accusation could be made…. what I mean is…we only show each other and quite honestly ourselves …the tips of our being.
We all strive to be kind and polite and caring and thoughtful. …..all the good things… whose mother didn’t tell them, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” But make no mistake …. you NEVER know another and not just because they don’t know themselves . We are all burdened by the bullshit rules of society. Some of us can cope with a little fraying at the edges of the rules… it’s quite exciting… gets that dopamine flowing…others don’t give a shit about them anyway..some cannot think of anything worse than bending them. Yet they may be tempted. They ARE human..They are going to hate you if you are the one tempting them. They’ll say they don’t but … eventually they will show you that they do…
Why is it so hard to be honest …why are our words so inadequate for the task??? Although you are liked. …..a lot .. however this friendship isn’t going to go anywhere without that common ground. Why can’t we be “friends on Facebook?” Well I’ll tell you why… we just don’t “friend” in the same way…. and I don’t wish to be. constantly reminded of that.
Goodwill …even when you never see someone… goodwill goes a long way. Goodwill is a balm. Shame it was lost.
I realised though I cared… and I really did..I didn’t actually care quite enough to try and restore that goodwill.
I didn’t know enough about the iceberg that was them…and apparently they’d already decided what my inner depths were and although they were wrong. ..so wrong about it actually …it coloured everything …. pretty sure that friendship was going to be wrecked on that buried mass… I tried to warn about the trouble ahead…
Oh well too late. Next time I’ll be a lot more cautious about who I find interesting… just cut out the angst… if I’m not going to be able to sustain the friendship… best all round to simply not to start.
