An Ordinary Woman
She thumbed idly through the magazine while she had 10 minutes to herself…something caught her eye that made her splutter out her coffee…
“Most married women develop crushes”, so said the article laid out on the kitchen table before her. Well, it hadn’t happened to her before, and she reckoned that statement was sweeping. She believed that it was one of the blessings of marriage, one she actually really appreciated… You know your’e not looking, you aren’t really out and about seeing, and you are too busy doing things for everyone else. You have more important things to do. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a crush…She felt a bit scornful of the idea that long term relationships were “graveyards where passions went to die”. She’d read that somewhere too…yes, well it couldn’t always be heightened like the first flush of lust.. how exhausting would that be anyway?
THIS FELT DIFFERENT
However, although she had tried to push the feeling down she had been feeling a bit weird recently and if she was totally honest with herself there really wasn’t much of a doubt in her mind… she actually did have a bloody crush.. a bad one. Had she really become that cliche? She couldn’t ignore it…She hadn’t been able to get her new team member and colleague out of her mind.
Why was it happening now… ? She wished she knew … she hadn’t had a crush on anyone for, oh a good 20 years… long before she was married. Should she just “do the right thing” and get away from this situation… ? although she wasn’t actually in the position to do that. She discussed with her husband what she should do about her “foolishness” and thereafter formulated a plan. Fortunately her husband realised he was married to a human.. if anything he was more easygoing with her, than she was with herself. Her plan was to lean into it then, befriending the object of her limerence, in the hope that getting to know them better would be totally off putting, or partly off putting anyway. That was the gameplan. It didn’t really work like that. Though it kind of did….
But not enough… because this person was already her friend. She had to get past the crush … it was fun to flirt but it was also very uncomfortable. And yet they got on well enough. Sometimes the crush just wasn’t there and she got on with them so much better then… and of course that was easier to deal with , they could be the friends they wanted to be to each other. And that was great.
THE OTHER “C” WORD
Ok so where was the problem? No one was cheating or doing anything wrong… or is having a crush and being a hugger cheating, even though it’s so normal, it’s basically being a human? ( even though it wasn’t normal for her…)
FEELS V COMMONSENSE
She didn’t have all the answers or indeed any answers to this… she just knew she was very uncomfortable and unfortunately discomfort outweighed the friendship in the end. A series of unfortunate little misunderstandings, butterfingered slip ups, alcohol and overreactions not to mention the wonderful sway held by social media blew everything up. If she’d had a crystal ball that could see two years down the track … she’d feel pretty different and be unable to see enough common ground to sustain the friendship that was so much fun now. And it was fun, and had a high vibration.. but that if anything enhanced her relationship with her husband…and most definitely did not undermine it. A sensual attraction is a very different kettle of fish from a sexual one too… feeling warm, fuzzy and cuddly is nice. Is it, she wondered, symptomatic of what she wasn’t giving herself , perhaps, or was her caring side in overdrive for some reason because she thought her friend needed a boost? Even if they did, why would it be her place to provide it? But anyway, two years down the track she and they are completely different people. The very idea of having another crush, on ANYONE … now seems completely ridiculous. And what might have been a decent enough friendship or acquaintanceship is now damaged, actually totally wrecked….That was the last thing she wanted, but she knew she didn’t want the crush either.
She just had to work with what she had at the time..and honestly that was the both the crush and the friendship had grown out of the group dynamic… where they had met. And that was now gone. Not to mention self sabotaging attitudes which she knew at the time she should shake off, but couldn’t… not quickly enough anyway. But she could definitely have been gentler on herself and them, when dealing with that reality. And she had planned to be….but she was overtaken by events … that made it mandatory that she took serious steps to squeeze the last pips out of that crush. It was running her and it had to stop. Her method was harsh.. and took no account of actual friendship. The object of her crush’s outrage at this drove home the nails in the coffin of that connection. They said some things that were actually untrue, but she understood why they thought it was true…It made her very sad, all she had really wanted was to show her appreciation of the group based friendship and have a NICE GOODBYE. Then if they had met in the street or anywhere sometime in the future, then would have been able to be courteous to each other, and would actually want to know how each other was doing. If only a bell rang to warn that this was going to be last time you were going to see someone then you’d make sure your words and actions were of the highest standard.
You don’t actually realise how important goodwill is until it’s gone. Even if you weren’t really going to stay in touch.
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